Australia Celebrates Retaining AAA Credit Rating It Has Never Once Used To Get A Better Deal On Anything

The nation's top financial officials confirmed today that Australia has successfully maintained its AAA credit rating, a designation that continues to have no discernible impact on the daily life of any living Australian. The rating, awarded by agencies whose names most citizens would struggle to recall under oath, was secured through a combination of tax increases and spending cuts that affected virtually everyone except the agencies themselves. A Treasury spokesperson explained that the rating allows Australia to borrow money at slightly more favorable terms, savings which are then passed on to taxpayers in the form of additional tax changes and spending cuts. "It's a beautifully closed loop," the spokesperson said. When asked what would happen if the rating dropped to AA, officials paused for several seconds before admitting they were not entirely sure but that it would probably be "quite bad, symbolically."

Riffing on real coverage: Australia retains AAA as tax changes and spending cuts help bottom line