Australian Government Deploys Census Workers Door-To-Door To Confirm Xbox Users Are Real Adults With Real Jobs And Not Just 34-Year-Olds Who 'Never Really Grew Out Of It'

The Australian Department of Home Affairs has announced that all Xbox users must now submit three forms of identification, a statutory declaration, and a brief personal essay explaining why they still play video games at their age. The new Digital Age Assurance Framework requires citizens to visit their local post office, take a number, and wait an estimated four to six hours to receive a laminated Gamer Licence, which must be renewed annually and displayed near the console at all times. A department spokesperson confirmed that users who fail verification will have their consoles remotely replaced with a copy of the newspaper. "We believe Australians have a right to interactive entertainment, provided they can prove, beyond reasonable doubt, that they exist," said compliance officer Greg Harland. The programme has already faced delays after the verification website crashed under the weight of seven simultaneous users.

Riffing on real coverage: Xbox users in Australia must now prove their age, as the government returns to banning games under stricter rules