Census Bureau Deploys Emergency Counselors To Assist Australians Confronted With Optional Question They Could Simply Skip

The Australian Bureau of Statistics confirmed Tuesday it has stationed over 4,000 crisis support workers at community centres nationwide to assist residents emotionally overwhelmed by the presence of a question they are under no obligation to answer. "We understand that encountering a box you could leave blank can be profoundly destabilising," said a bureau spokesperson, adding that trained facilitators will gently remind distressed citizens that the word 'optional' means what it has always meant. Early reports indicate several households have already barricaded themselves indoors after previewing the census form online and discovering two additional questions nestled among the 58 they were already planning to complain about. The bureau has also prepared a 14-page supplementary guide titled 'How To Not Fill Something In,' which walks respondents step by step through the process of moving their pen slightly to the right and continuing to the next question.

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