Nation Solves Fuel Crisis By Making Fuel Worse

The Department of Energy has announced a 60-day suspension of fuel quality standards in response to rising oil prices, marking the first time a government has officially addressed a shortage by making the product less worth buying. Under the emergency measures, refiners will be permitted to sell fuel that meets what officials are calling 'close enough' specifications. A department spokesperson confirmed the policy was developed using the same logic as watering down soup at a restaurant that is running out of soup. 'We looked at what consumers were panicking about, which was not having enough fuel, and asked ourselves how we could make them care less about having it,' said a senior energy adviser. The 60-day window will allow officials time to develop a longer-term strategy, widely expected to involve lowering the standards again. Consumer groups have noted that the policy sets an exciting precedent for solving housing affordability by making houses smaller and hospitals by making medicine optional.

Riffing on real coverage: Australian Minister for Energy lowers fuel standards for 60 days amid rising oil prices, panic buying